Tag Archives: stress

This little light inside 

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Read through the different ways to succeed in writing. From promoting to socializing. From telling your friends and family to support you to get out and sell the books from the trunk of your car. I probably would if I had one. 

I remember walking the streets of California passing out flyers to this blog. I made some rather cheap looking promotional pages affordable enough to pass around. 

It felt good to do busy work. It feels good to feel like I’m doing something right. Unfortunately for there isn’t a lot of times that I feel like I’m going the right way. From marriages to parenting I’ve gotten it wrong. From job to job I’ve floated by enough to eat. I feel like I’m connected everywhere yet I fit nowhere. 

  
Writing is all that I’ve got. 

A window into my soul and a piece of gratitude for being able to keep expressing the pain. Yet I find thankfulness in the day. Always. At least I’m here. I don’t always want to be. Times like this morning where I’d rather fade to black like Amy Whinehouse. Take a drink too many. Swallow a pill more than I’m supposed to. Scream out into the darkness of the night” Lord take me now!”

  
Maybe things will fall in place. Maybe my little will mean a lot. Maybe one man will love me enough, and not to need anyone else to wet his dick for a night. Destroy all the love that was built and actually have the trust that all say that they want. Even they are usually the first to go out and do something untrustworthy.

There’s days I feel unworthy of breathing. I wonder why I continue to wake up in place that I don’t understand. Maybe the divine has a plan for me,because I’m so tired of trying to figure out one. I’d like to see a clearer picture of where to go, but the roads are all filled with fog and the paths are fuzzy at best. This world is a test and I feel like I’m failing more times than I’m passing. My grade is a D++.

Just enough to make it another day and fight. To spread light. To find good insight instead of evil egos.

Yes, I’m grateful for the creative ability to write. It’s opened doors I never expected to enter. Taking me to journeys I never planned on going. Gotten me through tough times and today let’s me tell you the story of my aching heart.

  
The battle of live to fight another day is daily.

One wrong thought on the wrong day. At the wrong hour and it could certainly cost me my REAL life.  

This time is precious perceptions of how to keep going when the weight of my inner galaxies build up all the negative energies being purposely pushed at me. Feeling like the mountain that I can’t climb because I have to come from under the rock first.

  
I’m just grateful that I have enough strength to try again.

I’m thankful I have been gifted the mindset to trust again. 

I have enough forgiveness to forgive again and again, because I believe second chances sometimes need to be third or fourth when you have absolutely no idea what your doing. 

I have gratitude for the blessing of writing. It is not just my  gift it is my birthright. 

Last day of grateful January and it didn’t come easy. I didn’t lazily wake up and get another day. I had to fight my thoughts to be here and it took me to breakdown to get up.

  
C.L Cunningham 

It’s Tuesday and we made it.
Photos courtesy of https://www.pinterest.com/pin/456200637237145233/

Artist Jeffrey Smith



Tick tick boom

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My anger has reached an all time high today. I won’t let it get in my way. I went from venting to chastising. From chastising to boxing. From boxing to mediation. 

From mediation to the home that’s within myself.

I will find a healthy medium. My goals are self motivated. My heart isn’t yet mended and my fear of finding someone true seems to be more relevant everyday. I thought I had faced my anger. But I guess that I just tucked it away to appear normal. It was buried deep down inside where I didn’t even know it was. I’m sure the pressure to be silent had something to do with it. The pressure to work through it doesn’t make it better it just covers it up. 

Now that I’m free it’s front and center and needing to be healed so here I am healing it. Mediational music calms my soul and spirit. Thank goodness for this form of health care. 

There’s no bottle that I can drink myself under. There’s no puff of smoke that takes it away. They’re just there to conceal the pain. I have no vices to use. Today I haven’t use any. Just me and my truth. Me and my heart. Me and my feelings. Healing. I am healing. I deserve to heal. To deal with the failures and reactions of my past. The choices for my future and the benefits this healing will bring into my future. 

I’m finding my way. It looks different than I had hoped and it will be alright in the end. I just have a feeling that I’m in for an unexpected surprise for the future. 

Gifts come and go. Friends aren’t always friends forever but as I grow the truth will come out. Set me free again and build me up if ever again I fall. Lamar Odom Jr said it best yesterday on the Victoria secret fashion show. Fall seven times get up eight. I’m still standing. All because I won’t let nothing get me down. There went the boom. 

It’s out of my system for tonight. I pray that it doesn’t return tomorrow but just in case it does I have the coping skills to handle it. I put some mediation music down below for anyone with a ticking clock inside of them to help through the bs of the world. 
C. L Cunningham 

Namaste 

It’s truly away of life✨🌙

Push

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Today.

Today I’m going to push through. 

I’m not going to let the thoughts and things that are troubling me get me down. 

There’s a lot of insanity going on in this world. 

I wish that I could ignore it all, but better than ignoring it. I can send positive energy it’s way.

We’re are all amazing creatures. 

And today let’s all push through our challenges and enjoy this day.

C. L Cunningham 

📸https://goo.gl/images/fd5bQ6