Tag Archives: fight

This little light inside 

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Read through the different ways to succeed in writing. From promoting to socializing. From telling your friends and family to support you to get out and sell the books from the trunk of your car. I probably would if I had one. 

I remember walking the streets of California passing out flyers to this blog. I made some rather cheap looking promotional pages affordable enough to pass around. 

It felt good to do busy work. It feels good to feel like I’m doing something right. Unfortunately for there isn’t a lot of times that I feel like I’m going the right way. From marriages to parenting I’ve gotten it wrong. From job to job I’ve floated by enough to eat. I feel like I’m connected everywhere yet I fit nowhere. 

  
Writing is all that I’ve got. 

A window into my soul and a piece of gratitude for being able to keep expressing the pain. Yet I find thankfulness in the day. Always. At least I’m here. I don’t always want to be. Times like this morning where I’d rather fade to black like Amy Whinehouse. Take a drink too many. Swallow a pill more than I’m supposed to. Scream out into the darkness of the night” Lord take me now!”

  
Maybe things will fall in place. Maybe my little will mean a lot. Maybe one man will love me enough, and not to need anyone else to wet his dick for a night. Destroy all the love that was built and actually have the trust that all say that they want. Even they are usually the first to go out and do something untrustworthy.

There’s days I feel unworthy of breathing. I wonder why I continue to wake up in place that I don’t understand. Maybe the divine has a plan for me,because I’m so tired of trying to figure out one. I’d like to see a clearer picture of where to go, but the roads are all filled with fog and the paths are fuzzy at best. This world is a test and I feel like I’m failing more times than I’m passing. My grade is a D++.

Just enough to make it another day and fight. To spread light. To find good insight instead of evil egos.

Yes, I’m grateful for the creative ability to write. It’s opened doors I never expected to enter. Taking me to journeys I never planned on going. Gotten me through tough times and today let’s me tell you the story of my aching heart.

  
The battle of live to fight another day is daily.

One wrong thought on the wrong day. At the wrong hour and it could certainly cost me my REAL life.  

This time is precious perceptions of how to keep going when the weight of my inner galaxies build up all the negative energies being purposely pushed at me. Feeling like the mountain that I can’t climb because I have to come from under the rock first.

  
I’m just grateful that I have enough strength to try again.

I’m thankful I have been gifted the mindset to trust again. 

I have enough forgiveness to forgive again and again, because I believe second chances sometimes need to be third or fourth when you have absolutely no idea what your doing. 

I have gratitude for the blessing of writing. It is not just my  gift it is my birthright. 

Last day of grateful January and it didn’t come easy. I didn’t lazily wake up and get another day. I had to fight my thoughts to be here and it took me to breakdown to get up.

  
C.L Cunningham 

It’s Tuesday and we made it.
Photos courtesy of https://www.pinterest.com/pin/456200637237145233/

Artist Jeffrey Smith



Patches 

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Pumpkin 🎃 patches and unicorn kisses

Forget me nots and a will to illuminate the sky….

The days are giving up orange hues and brisk winds of winter. Up in the mountains it becomes colder than the rest of California. I enjoy the peace a lot of the time. Of course I’d prefer a more populated area but for now it reminds me of my peaceful Arizona existence.

My poetic heart keeps giving way to my logical thinking. Seeing people come and go. Keeping mental data by pure accident. Hazards of an over active and over stimulated mind. It’s fine for me for now. To sink my power into positive energy and phantasy of a story I’ve always wanted.

Today is a bit of a historic day. People are standing up for injustice and as normal there’s those who don’t care, don’t know, don’t understand or miss the point. Sadly I’m in the middle on some of it myself. The right to fight. The right to sit or to stand. Seems to have been a tug of war between the two for centuries. Wonder if we’re ever going to work it out? Can we patch it back together?

I would like to at least work together. 

Blue energy flows freely today. Another sunny day with built up emotion. Bringing us memories to rekindle and love to explore.

C.L Cunningham 

  

Photo https://www.pinterest.com/pin/79164905929707498/

Novacane

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Dancing mirror to Frank Ocean. Letting my body move to beat a until I work up a sweat.

Thoughts flood my mind. 

Be positive, be happy, be productive… sure

As if no one ever gets sad, lonely, weak, abused, and angry.

Maybe that’s just me. 

Let me hide mine…then.

Now that I’m in a higher vibration and soaring above pain and frustration I use the rhythm and the beat to rush over a tuneful sequence to numb my restless inner voice.

Dance with me.

Feel it all float out of your finger tips. Letting in swirl around you and take your soul and quite the monsters that live inside your mind.

Ready….

Now let go….

C. L Cunningham 

I’m one of the broken revived and still fighting. 

Why are you scared?

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Rethinking the past two days with sadness and sorrow. I’m pushed to understand the magnitude of a violent behaviors. It’s the preview to hurt or even death. But it’s been made the norm.

From the Three Stooges (which I enjoyed growing up)to today’s vines. Showing fights between kids and teachers. To between each other on school grounds with little being done to stop them. Adults fighting on the streets and to the views of hundreds or thousands. Tv shows with the commercial for the highlight of an episode being an argument or a brawl. 

I do it. Be violent when my anger reaches a non shut off point. I’ve been involved with domestic violence and abuse. It’s learned behavior for the most part of my knowledge. So why is it so promoted in our everyday viewing experience. Why is our quiet time and enjoyment so filled with violence but we are scared of it?

Because if we weren’t scared of violence we wouldn’t need police. We’d be a society full of chaos with no need for government or laws because at that point we’d fully be savages.

I guess that paragraph implies that we aren’t.

Thank God for peaceful beings. For shows that still promote non violence. For schools,parents,and children who have zero tolerance for it. Thank God for me finding the error in it and being ready for a better outlet for my anger. I’m learning everyday. I’m grateful for that. It has always seemed hard for me to change but I presume that when it’s the main thing that I’m trying to do it is completely worth it. 

Tv is just a television 📺. The shows and entertainment are for our viewing pleasure. We have choices for doing right even when we it’s available to do or watch what’s wrong.

I haven’t nixed it completely in my life and if anyone has any cool techniques for calming down please put them in the comments below. Or if you follow or know of some YouTube channels or social media that have very gentle peaceful souls also I’d like to check those out as well. 

C.L Cunningham 

Wishing you love and enlightenment ✨

Pain

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Pain has a funny way of changing you. What I mean is that pain sneaks up on you. It starts small like a little nagging feeling. And then that feeling gets bigger and more intense until it’s starts to take over you. You may start to tell people that you don’t feel good but we all know how everyone hates bad news so you stop telling people about how you don’t feel well. After a awhile you start to just sit in that pain. And you deal with it. You start faking out in public and crying out in private. God why me? Why now? When will it stop? Over and over until you start to believe your crazy and you NEED to get over it? 

But how do you get over pain? How do you not feel it? How do you just calm down and shut the f*ck up for everyone else’s sake but your own? And it’s not until you crack or you break that people care. No one cares until your in the hospital or you stop answering calls or until you end it all. Nobody cares until it effects them. Until they’re tired of hearing it. 

I care about you. Your soul is connected to my soul and your fight is my fight. Because we fight the same fight. To everyone struggling we won’t be in darkness forever…even hell has light. 
C L Cunningham

Can you stand it?

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Life gets tuff. 
I want someone who’s not gonna run when it gets bad. 

Who can lift me up like I lift them up, instead of leaving me hanging. 

If you can’t stand the rain how the hell are you gonna help me dance in it? 
C L Cunningham