It’s early morning and I’ve been up thinking 💭.
About how my life turned out to be the way it is now.
I just got engaged to my ex husband. It literally sounds weird to say that.
No-one else has been supportive of that decision but the children. Let me sit in that statement.
The ones who were in the home with us are the ones who believe that we can build a better foundation for the future.
They seen the struggle the arguments and the shatter of the marriage. Yet in still our support is coming from the place of hope.
I’m not sorry for trying things that others have said no to. I’m just trying to live with all of the choices I’ve made in the past. Taking them to the realists truths that I can find and hopefully moving forward in peace.
My punishment is my own self esteem being broken into pieces every time I chase something that makes me feel pain, sadness and anger.
I beat myself up after the haze has cleared. When no one is around I analyze my actions over and over again.
This time I want to look back and say I did exactly what I needed to do to be able to wake up in the morning with a positive start and a smile on my face.
– C L Cunningham
Happy Thursday everyone may it bring you happiness, love, and abundance.
I’m sitting here trying to get my nerves up to go on this trip to Arizona. Im planning on driving the whole way. I have the worst case of bubbles right now. Seriously I’m silently freaking the f**ck out. I’m not the best driver and having no cell phone right now isn’t the smartest way to go. I’m using a gps and I hope it’s up to date, because gps systems can send you to some very scary and weird places. I’m speaking from experience. Considering the fact that I’m confused with most directions away.
Is it wrong to secretly hope there’s another option? Like for real. I’m sure that most people don’t mind long rode trips and things that take time. But the people who love me know that I’m not like that. I’d rather fly and I like to go Ricky Bobby fast. I read all signs like this:
I hate the fact that I’m not sure of what it is next. I constantly feel like I’m grasping at straws. Just looking for a stable environment. Just hoping that something actually comes out good with no hiccups or confusion.
This year has been a lot of firsts. A lot of changes have been made. All while I’m trying to stay positive and focus on the good. The truth is life isn’t always easy. Sometimes it’s hard to save yourself let alone anyone else and I have children to be there for. Good or bad I HAVE to figure it out.
Please send me your prayers. Positivity and blessings. I’ll be blogging about Love for the month of February. This way I’ll look for it all month long.
Today I’m in love with the ideal of heading to Arizona. Wish me luck because I’m gonna need it.
C. L Cunningham
Photos courtesy from https://www.pinterest.com/pin/235805730469239434/