Category Archives: Dark

Punishment

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It’s early morning and I’ve been up thinking 💭.

About how my life turned out to be the way it is now.

I just got engaged to my ex husband. It literally sounds weird to say that.

No-one else has been supportive of that decision but the children. Let me sit in that statement.

The ones who were in the home with us are the ones who believe that we can build a better foundation for the future.

They seen the struggle the arguments and the shatter of the marriage. Yet in still our support is coming from the place of hope.

I’m not sorry for trying things that others have said no to. I’m just trying to live with all of the choices I’ve made in the past. Taking them to the realists truths that I can find and hopefully moving forward in peace.

My punishment is my own self esteem being broken into pieces every time I chase something that makes me feel pain, sadness and anger.

I beat myself up after the haze has cleared. When no one is around I analyze my actions over and over again.

This time I want to look back and say I did exactly what I needed to do to be able to wake up in the morning with a positive start and a smile on my face.

– C L Cunningham

Happy Thursday everyone may it bring you happiness, love, and abundance.

Xoxo

Kandee

📷instagram

Can you fight for us?

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Sally tried one more time. Tired and frustrated she aligned her whole body’s energy and forced a chi ball with her hands.

On command she threw it against the brick and iron strong wall with a one, two, three punch.

Instantly all the pieces exploded in the air, as the bust cleared. Visual proof was now shown.

Sally had known all along that she could do it. Her frustration was that she was hand picked by the elite group and then repeatedly pushed to see what see would and could do.

If the point was to make them believe she had already made them believers.

The head of the program came behind the glass and put out his hand. Well done ma’am. I didn’t think you had it in you and now I see. If you’re ready I’d think that we’re ready to fight for us.

Sally shook her head is belief. No disrespect but who the fuck is gonna fight for me.

C L Cunningham

📸Instagram @indigogoddess

This time of day

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“When neither is attended,and I think the nightingale if she should sing by day when every goose is cackling-Amelia Bassano aka William Shakespeare… (The merchant of Venice-Act V, Sc.1

I stumbled upon a cup of tea in the mournings light and found her name in the stars amongst the God’s of then when love was written with a pen covered by blood ink -C L Cunningham/ Amelia Bassano

Art Army

Let’s get high

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As I elevate my mind pass the past wrongdoings of my inner recollections I feel as if I’m floating freely.

I’ve learned that I use certain things to remove pain but then I caused another kind in its place.

Being lost in the mind is like a wilderness with out light. It’s cold and lonely. As I push away those thoughts I’m finding that I can be the light that I need.

I want to get high on a cultivated culture. Which shows myself and others how to remove unhealthy thoughts and turns them into powerful gifts.

The gift of love, the gift of growing, the gift of succeeding, and the gift of inner beauty. For me to except myself I needed to uncover my flaws. I’ve forced myself to see the damage. It hasn’t been easy to face myself in the mirror. I have to say it’s definitely been worth it.

Today I want to encourage healing. Uncovering the truth shall set me free if I allow myself to cross old barriers and find new beginnings. I hope I encourage others to join me.

With gratitude I send you peace and blessings

Xoxo Kandee

📸http://cosmicorder.magickalfolk.com/tag/spiritual-growth/

Winner 

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Grateful January was a wonderful way to kick off the new year. I’m pleased to announce that @chantecali11 from the Findingkandee Instagram won the giveaway. She received a $10 Amazon gift card and a signed copy of my book By The Dawn’s Blue Light. 

Congratulations 🎉🎉

Thank you everyone who entered 💙

  
Have a great night everyone 

C. L Cunningham 

This little light inside 

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Read through the different ways to succeed in writing. From promoting to socializing. From telling your friends and family to support you to get out and sell the books from the trunk of your car. I probably would if I had one. 

I remember walking the streets of California passing out flyers to this blog. I made some rather cheap looking promotional pages affordable enough to pass around. 

It felt good to do busy work. It feels good to feel like I’m doing something right. Unfortunately for there isn’t a lot of times that I feel like I’m going the right way. From marriages to parenting I’ve gotten it wrong. From job to job I’ve floated by enough to eat. I feel like I’m connected everywhere yet I fit nowhere. 

  
Writing is all that I’ve got. 

A window into my soul and a piece of gratitude for being able to keep expressing the pain. Yet I find thankfulness in the day. Always. At least I’m here. I don’t always want to be. Times like this morning where I’d rather fade to black like Amy Whinehouse. Take a drink too many. Swallow a pill more than I’m supposed to. Scream out into the darkness of the night” Lord take me now!”

  
Maybe things will fall in place. Maybe my little will mean a lot. Maybe one man will love me enough, and not to need anyone else to wet his dick for a night. Destroy all the love that was built and actually have the trust that all say that they want. Even they are usually the first to go out and do something untrustworthy.

There’s days I feel unworthy of breathing. I wonder why I continue to wake up in place that I don’t understand. Maybe the divine has a plan for me,because I’m so tired of trying to figure out one. I’d like to see a clearer picture of where to go, but the roads are all filled with fog and the paths are fuzzy at best. This world is a test and I feel like I’m failing more times than I’m passing. My grade is a D++.

Just enough to make it another day and fight. To spread light. To find good insight instead of evil egos.

Yes, I’m grateful for the creative ability to write. It’s opened doors I never expected to enter. Taking me to journeys I never planned on going. Gotten me through tough times and today let’s me tell you the story of my aching heart.

  
The battle of live to fight another day is daily.

One wrong thought on the wrong day. At the wrong hour and it could certainly cost me my REAL life.  

This time is precious perceptions of how to keep going when the weight of my inner galaxies build up all the negative energies being purposely pushed at me. Feeling like the mountain that I can’t climb because I have to come from under the rock first.

  
I’m just grateful that I have enough strength to try again.

I’m thankful I have been gifted the mindset to trust again. 

I have enough forgiveness to forgive again and again, because I believe second chances sometimes need to be third or fourth when you have absolutely no idea what your doing. 

I have gratitude for the blessing of writing. It is not just my  gift it is my birthright. 

Last day of grateful January and it didn’t come easy. I didn’t lazily wake up and get another day. I had to fight my thoughts to be here and it took me to breakdown to get up.

  
C.L Cunningham 

It’s Tuesday and we made it.
Photos courtesy of https://www.pinterest.com/pin/456200637237145233/

Artist Jeffrey Smith



Laundered soul

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Dirty secrets of a filthy world. 

 Oh how I need to feel washed free of the sins of the skin. 

 Once again I put the cycle on spin and imagine myself covered in bubbles of redemption. Laundering the information of my mind to twinkle and shine.✨

  

C. L Cunningham 

Poet