Posted in Artist, Blog, deep thoughts, Freshly pressed, life

Hustle 

Beep beep beep.

My alarm goes off at 5:15am.

The rush to get dressed and ready by 5:55am begins. 

Out the door and on to my 3hr plus 3 bus commute. 

Stop and grab a donut and change. Heading up the street for a great day at work. 

I do the Mr. Rodgers shoes switch to complete my outfit and begin the day.

2:45pm I hustled down the street and around the corner. I buy some Panera bread from a gift card given to me. And I look up the street. 

From afar I can see a mountain. I breathe in the elegant view. The green and brown mix of colour. 

I stop my mind from running long enough to understand the beauty in something that is there everyday.  It’s probably missed by the many people who have forgotten it’s worth. 

I’m hustling to get by. I hustle to maintain. But I haven’t forgotten the beautiful pieces of art God given in the landscape. 

C.L Cunningham 

Enjoying the view

Posted in Artist, deep thoughts, life, writer

Wondering 

Up earlier than I intended to (a spider crawled on me once again). I decided to check some sites. Read some blogs and ponder my days ahead as well as days passed.

I was thrown into a spiritual awakening these past couple of months. I got close to the more mystical side of being INFJ and I filed for a divorce. 

I literally spent the last few months in mental hades.

I thought this guy was more than Mr. Right. I thought that love conquers all and my fairy tale had begun. 

Well the fairy tale is on hold and reality is sketchy at best even on the days I don’t leave this room.

The world isn’t what it seems. I’m a Bruce Wayne in a weird matrix. I’m stuck between who I am and who I should be. The problem is what I want to be and what comes with it doesn’t see eye to eye. 

I struggle with inner conflict. I’m oddly unfocused on anything that I can’t find immediate results in.

I help where greedy hands are reaching into other’s pots. Then chastising me for asking questions. But hell I don’t know anything about that kind of game. Probably because I’m not that kind of person. 

They weren’t ready. 

For someone who’s ideal of happiness to be so simple. 

The world still needs heroes. I’m low on the totem pole of such super humans. 

This life is a gift.

I have a need for direction on how to use mine. However I still tread on into the wilderness of what’s next.

This blog. These words. This episode of my life. Are nothing but sheer mishaps. Accidental. Mistakes that turned into something. 

I haven’t found greatness. I’m not sure if I’m even looking for it. 

I woke up today. Period. 

That in itself was enough. But the pull to do more. Say more. And be more eats at me everyday. Like a nagging mother.

I run from it and it chases me and I dodge it once again. 

My happy go lucky demeanor is appealing to most. Some even fancy my wit and almost brutal tongue lashings. I call it honesty. 

The answers to my thoughts seem far away. 

But time seems to be empting out of my sand. The sands of time is mocking me. And I feel like Alice chasing the rabbit. 

This dimension. This world of art and creativity comes with a price. To enter the gates of gold there is a fee.

I sit outside it wondering if I’m willing to pay.

C.L Cunningham 

Wondering 

Posted in Artist, Blog, Freshly pressed, Short stories

Fraction in time (short story )

Natasha awoke like every average day. Sun shimmering throughout her room. She opened her eyes and thought “meh” “another day another dollar”. 

40 year olds are supposed to in settled by now. Established so to speak.  She wasn’t even close. 

Prepared to start her day and ready to jump in for a quick shower she hurried to the bathroom and started the water. Without thinking she quickly stepped in and forgot to stable herself and slipped. As she was falling she muttered “good grief” as if she was in a Charlie Brown cartoon and then everything went dark.

Imaging she was falling through a black tunnel in her mind she regained consciousness.  Annoyed with the fall and the pain in her right shoulder she lifted herself up. 

Now even more pressed for time she continued her shower muttering obscenities.  She finished up got dressed and fixed her hair.  Not much of  a make up chic she brushed her teeth and smiled at her reflection.  She thought to herself “your one fine looking specimen” she quickly laughed and out the door she went.

As she looked around. She became puzzled by what she was seeing.  The neighborhood didn’t look like her neighborhood. She looked down at her briefcase and it was the same. Completely confused she checked her phone it was the same too but the time was now pm instead of am.

What the what? 

Thinking to herself “b**** you must be still be lying on the shower floor.”

Snapping her fingers in front of her face she tries to wake herself up until a man walking towards her says “Sally,baby where have you been?” 

Confused and bewildered she answers “sorry but my name isn’t Sally”. He smiles and picks her up into a bear hug and replies “oh baby the things you do to get me going.” 

Natasha starts thinking to herself ” 1. This dude is fine 2. Why is he calling me Sally? 3. Where am I?”

C.L Cunningham 

The beginning of Sally

Posted in Artist, Blog, deep thoughts, Freshly pressed, life, Love, Music, Poems, Uncategorized

Just lead me to the machine 

In a society where the powers that rule over us and watch over us. Are serverly tainted in blood money and contradictory control. We are called to rage against the machine that separates us. Like the music group I guess that I too may be a person who rages against inequality and the bullshit that cloaks us into submission.

The prim and proper way of being a woman in this establishment is not within me. The social economic ways of the past can be no more. But that’s just an opinion. Hell that is more than an option. It can become a way of life. 

As the world turns and the earth decays until it slowly evaporates us into thin air. I call on you to move forward. I may be confined into a mental jail of my own locking with the key hanging around my neck like a noose. But my courage with stands anything that can be dangled before me. 

I want what is best for the world. But my idealism and fuck you attitude may be a cross a little too big for most to bare. So be it. It still doesn’t fix the system to not speak on injustice. Nothing fixes the system if the people failed have nothing else to do but point the finger and shuffle the feet of the protesters. Continue to confuse the minds of the enlightened and hungry. And divide the world into pieces of broken hearts and shattered families. 

Michael Jackson said it best when he screamed and told us to just leave me alone. I thought flying high meant making it great. I thought speaking your personal truth made it strong. I thought the hearts of the wounded wanted a stance to bring forth a decline in control and an uprising of equality. The system is broken. The system has been designed to fail.

 On purpose. 

This was not an accident waiting to happen it was a joke on humanity.

C. L Cunningham 

Posted in Artist, Blog, Dark, deep thoughts, Freshly pressed

Who am I?

Even the best layed plans have flaws.

Growing up my daddy had a saying “smart dummies”. He would point out how even though we had enough sense to come up with a plan. The effect still either got us in trouble or caused us pain. Sometimes the plan would make you lose everything you worked for.

The problem with me is that I never cared about anything. I felt so out of place in the world,that nothing meant anything to me. If I wanted to do it I did it. If I didn’t.. I didn’t. 

I am not alone. There are tons of people everywhere who have nothing to lose because we never wanted nothing or never had it to begin with.

It’s not until my brain adds value to it for it to mean something to me. Money holds no value. Hell anything that can be taken away holds no value.

Can you imagine having a gun in your face knowing that the person on the other end has the audacity to play God and chose if today is your last day? All because they can. All because that day was the day they decided they meant more than you did. And they made you aware of a world where even if you’re the nicest or worst person on earth THEY were going to decide your path for you.I can. It’s happened to me multiple times.

The things that matter to me have never been tangible. I’ve seen more bad than good. So good things are almost a myth to me. Something fake…imaginary even.

All I know is what I can see or go back in my mind and take data of. The bad Always out ways the good. 

At least in my mind. 

So how do I find peace in a world I thought God would have blown up by now? 

I don’t. 

This is not a peaceful place. 

What I tend to hold on to is hope. Hope in the little elderly lady that needed help on the bus. When she got an outpouring of help from strangers she smiled and said “thank you.” And I could feel her spirit rejoice. 

Hope in the strangers who pulled two kids from a car sinking in water. They could have been indifferent. They could have placed blame on the parent or parents but instead they chose to be heroes.

For all the people out there trying to survive in a world not made for them who still are helpful and hopeful. Thank you. For all the people dedicating their lives and their sanity to bring joy to others. Thank you. For anyone anywhere that took a moment to be helpful instead of hurtful. Thank you.

For anyone who has ever felt out of place, bullied, talked about,  taken advantaged of, stripped of their rights and just generally let down by this world…Have hope. 

Hope that a better day is coming. That a better way is coming. And even if it doesn’t come for you. Be that for someone else. 

C. L Cunningham 

I may not be what people are used to but that doesn’t mean I can’t be better than they ever planned. 

Love n light to all y’all because who am I to decide if you deserve it?

Posted in Artist, Blog, deep thoughts, life, writer

In theory 

iS it possible that God isn’t killing us?

Are we killing ourselves?

What if our brains have a self destruction button?

Everytime one thinks negative
Everytime one thinks violence

Everytime one thinks materially

Everytime one thinks in greed

Everytime one thinks in anger

Everytime one thinks sadness

Everytime one thinks seductive

Everytime one thinks selfishly etc.

What if that button in the brain sends out more destructive cells through your blood stream…Until you die? (Thus aging is activated)
Humans can prolong the process with medical fixes. But you possibly wouldn’t need medical fixes if you lived better. We polluted the earth. We added material things. We added government. We started killing each other etc.

Maybe some things we wouldn’t need God to fix. Maybe some things could  be fixed by a better mindset.

C.L Cunningham

Beginning to change my mindset ⭐