Read through the different ways to succeed in writing. From promoting to socializing. From telling your friends and family to support you to get out and sell the books from the trunk of your car. I probably would if I had one.
I remember walking the streets of California passing out flyers to this blog. I made some rather cheap looking promotional pages affordable enough to pass around.
It felt good to do busy work. It feels good to feel like I’m doing something right. Unfortunately for there isn’t a lot of times that I feel like I’m going the right way. From marriages to parenting I’ve gotten it wrong. From job to job I’ve floated by enough to eat. I feel like I’m connected everywhere yet I fit nowhere.
A window into my soul and a piece of gratitude for being able to keep expressing the pain. Yet I find thankfulness in the day. Always. At least I’m here. I don’t always want to be. Times like this morning where I’d rather fade to black like Amy Whinehouse. Take a drink too many. Swallow a pill more than I’m supposed to. Scream out into the darkness of the night” Lord take me now!”
Maybe things will fall in place. Maybe my little will mean a lot. Maybe one man will love me enough, and not to need anyone else to wet his dick for a night. Destroy all the love that was built and actually have the trust that all say that they want. Even they are usually the first to go out and do something untrustworthy.
There’s days I feel unworthy of breathing. I wonder why I continue to wake up in place that I don’t understand. Maybe the divine has a plan for me,because I’m so tired of trying to figure out one. I’d like to see a clearer picture of where to go, but the roads are all filled with fog and the paths are fuzzy at best. This world is a test and I feel like I’m failing more times than I’m passing. My grade is a D++.
Just enough to make it another day and fight. To spread light. To find good insight instead of evil egos.
Yes, I’m grateful for the creative ability to write. It’s opened doors I never expected to enter. Taking me to journeys I never planned on going. Gotten me through tough times and today let’s me tell you the story of my aching heart.
One wrong thought on the wrong day. At the wrong hour and it could certainly cost me my REAL life.
This time is precious perceptions of how to keep going when the weight of my inner galaxies build up all the negative energies being purposely pushed at me. Feeling like the mountain that I can’t climb because I have to come from under the rock first.
I’m thankful I have been gifted the mindset to trust again.
I have enough forgiveness to forgive again and again, because I believe second chances sometimes need to be third or fourth when you have absolutely no idea what your doing.
I have gratitude for the blessing of writing. It is not just my gift it is my birthright.
Last day of grateful January and it didn’t come easy. I didn’t lazily wake up and get another day. I had to fight my thoughts to be here and it took me to breakdown to get up.
It’s Tuesday and we made it.
Photos courtesy of https://www.pinterest.com/pin/456200637237145233/
Artist Jeffrey Smith