My anger has reached an all time high today. I won’t let it get in my way. I went from venting to chastising. From chastising to boxing. From boxing to mediation.
From mediation to the home that’s within myself.
I will find a healthy medium. My goals are self motivated. My heart isn’t yet mended and my fear of finding someone true seems to be more relevant everyday. I thought I had faced my anger. But I guess that I just tucked it away to appear normal. It was buried deep down inside where I didn’t even know it was. I’m sure the pressure to be silent had something to do with it. The pressure to work through it doesn’t make it better it just covers it up.
Now that I’m free it’s front and center and needing to be healed so here I am healing it. Mediational music calms my soul and spirit. Thank goodness for this form of health care.
There’s no bottle that I can drink myself under. There’s no puff of smoke that takes it away. They’re just there to conceal the pain. I have no vices to use. Today I haven’t use any. Just me and my truth. Me and my heart. Me and my feelings. Healing. I am healing. I deserve to heal. To deal with the failures and reactions of my past. The choices for my future and the benefits this healing will bring into my future.
I’m finding my way. It looks different than I had hoped and it will be alright in the end. I just have a feeling that I’m in for an unexpected surprise for the future.
Gifts come and go. Friends aren’t always friends forever but as I grow the truth will come out. Set me free again and build me up if ever again I fall. Lamar Odom Jr said it best yesterday on the Victoria secret fashion show. Fall seven times get up eight. I’m still standing. All because I won’t let nothing get me down. There went the boom.
It’s out of my system for tonight. I pray that it doesn’t return tomorrow but just in case it does I have the coping skills to handle it. I put some mediation music down below for anyone with a ticking clock inside of them to help through the bs of the world.
C. L Cunningham
It’s truly away of life✨🌙