Monthly Archives: November 2017

Tick tick boom

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My anger has reached an all time high today. I won’t let it get in my way. I went from venting to chastising. From chastising to boxing. From boxing to mediation. 

From mediation to the home that’s within myself.

I will find a healthy medium. My goals are self motivated. My heart isn’t yet mended and my fear of finding someone true seems to be more relevant everyday. I thought I had faced my anger. But I guess that I just tucked it away to appear normal. It was buried deep down inside where I didn’t even know it was. I’m sure the pressure to be silent had something to do with it. The pressure to work through it doesn’t make it better it just covers it up. 

Now that I’m free it’s front and center and needing to be healed so here I am healing it. Mediational music calms my soul and spirit. Thank goodness for this form of health care. 

There’s no bottle that I can drink myself under. There’s no puff of smoke that takes it away. They’re just there to conceal the pain. I have no vices to use. Today I haven’t use any. Just me and my truth. Me and my heart. Me and my feelings. Healing. I am healing. I deserve to heal. To deal with the failures and reactions of my past. The choices for my future and the benefits this healing will bring into my future. 

I’m finding my way. It looks different than I had hoped and it will be alright in the end. I just have a feeling that I’m in for an unexpected surprise for the future. 

Gifts come and go. Friends aren’t always friends forever but as I grow the truth will come out. Set me free again and build me up if ever again I fall. Lamar Odom Jr said it best yesterday on the Victoria secret fashion show. Fall seven times get up eight. I’m still standing. All because I won’t let nothing get me down. There went the boom. 

It’s out of my system for tonight. I pray that it doesn’t return tomorrow but just in case it does I have the coping skills to handle it. I put some mediation music down below for anyone with a ticking clock inside of them to help through the bs of the world. 
C. L Cunningham 

Namaste 

It’s truly away of life✨🌙

Woo hoo 

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I did it! 

I broke free. Call me divergent.  Call me crazy. Call me stupid. As long as you call me strong we’re all good. 

  
No more looking for the green light of approval because I don’t need it. I’m thankful for the strength to let go of the things that stifled me. I want real love from real people who actually understand where I am in life and respect it. 

Can I open my heart to you all and express my gratitude for the encouragement to say f**k the norms. I’m Rudolph and I don’t enjoy reindeer games. 

I’m different and different is equally as good. 

Lets get weird y’all. Let’s let life take us to unexplored territory. Let’s pump our fist and take a knee to the madness called success. Let’s color it orange and put scribble marks on it just because we can. 

We are amazing creatures. We have the power to heal our minds. To heal our bodies and to protect our right to say hell no we won’t go and you can’t make me put up with it. When there’s nothing to dangle in front of your face there’s also nothing stopping you from being yourself. Nothing stops you from owning your own life. They can’t buy your soul. I paid my the price to be free and it feels good!

A job that feeds your wants keeps you wanting more. A job that covers your needs keeps you needing something. But baby……. a job that covers your spirit… oh honey!!! It takes care of you time and time again. The benefits out weighs the problems. You’re healthier because you feel good from the inside out. 

I started living my best life today. When I look back at my journey I can actually be proud of myself. I can stand up and smell the roses. I’m not weeping anymore and Joy really does come in the morning. 

It’s a wonderful Wednesday. I pray that it brings us smiles and blessings. That it brings good food and great feelings. That it hands out the will to live the best life that is imaginable from every point of view. 
C. L Cunningham 

I’m happy y’all 

Sending you love,light, and hopefully a peace of mind 🌞✨✨✨

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My forward attitude

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Tuesday. Second day of the week. The day before humday. For those who get to do some humping. Unfortunately I’m not one of those….meh.

I’m sitting around thinking what the lesson for today was. Self reflection is as important as self esteem. The need to build up others also includes yourself. As I do that I know that I need to be careful not to constantly feed my ego. Some days are harder than others. My flaws don’t determine my worth. I ask that the universe continues to remind me to embrace, replace, and rebuild my spirit to fulfill my plan for life. 

  
The picture in my head may not be the same as someone’s else’s. That’s okay differences makes the world go around. The energy pull from negatives and positives still pulls the universe. But to where? Is the final destination the same?

Work work work. Do it, if it fully makes you happy. When the check marks are checked off, do you sleep peacefully at night. 

Anger. Have it, if it fully comes with happiness and hope for a better way of living. When the check marks are made, do you sleep peacefully at night. 

Forgive. Find it, if it fully comes with your actual soul finding it’s comfort. 

The point I’m making is be honest with who you are. As I have to be honest with who I am. I’m changing my world around me bit by bit. When I extend my love and light to others there’s a shift of attitude to myself and anyone who feels where I’m coming from. I’m grateful to use my voice, resources and gifts to contribute. It mends the broken pieces. 

I guess I’m ready for us all to be meanders in real life. I’m an person who tries to be a better human. I don’t always do that.

 So on the days I can’t be a healer I’ve learned to remain inside my lane. I’m not here to change folks. I’m here to express how I’m changing, but that takes action. Words aren’t enough. Work isn’t enough when the worker is sick, unhealthy, depressed and crazy. That builds chaos. The world has enough of that.

Today I’m reminding myself and you to let go of the pain. Unless you like pain. 

For every action there’s a little hope for grace and mercy. When I can’t be nice I know it’s time to be attentive to my own issues. It becomes time to go a different route. If I feel depressed it becomes time to think in a higher mindset. If I feel unhappy it’s time to let go of the need for something outside and heal the things inside of myself.  So that I can continue to be the light that shines for others. 

  
Simplicity is beautiful. One small change can lead to bigger results and the world becomes a better place just by living in my truths. When I’m writing I want to bring hope to the hopeless. Bring acceptance to those who don’t feel accepted and blessings to the planet. This may be a hippy mindset. A little too soft in a hard world, but that’s me. I’m a lover not a warrior but I stand in my gentleness and it’s as powerful as any sword. 

Today turned out fine. My heart is intact and my mind is at ease. Gratitude turned my attitude into my peaceful Tuesday night. 

C. L Cunningham 

Sending you love and kindness 🌞

Namaste ✨

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Broken wing

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I’ve always dreamt of flying high. My visions had height in them. Goals to reach and hearts to touch. 

I just wanted someone to love me. You know the movie kind of love. I thought it was possible I guess it still is. 

  
The world looks cloudy today. The sun hasn’t even come up and it’s darkness all around. I asked one too many questions. I guess that’s reason enough to hurt me. Shame me. Show everyone just how tough it is  to never bow down. 

They tell you to be strong and laugh at your strength when they take everything you have left in your heart. I’ve been beat before so I know how to take a hit.

My journey is leading me to travel and I guess that’s what I’ll do. I don’t know where tomorrow leads. I’m tired of trying to figure it out. Maybe it’s time to run as fast as can anywhere there’s smiling faces. 

Can I be real. I feel embarrassed. I can’t really explain why. For a girl who loves her privacy it’s a bit much to be put on display in a way that’s contrary to everything I know. 

Ringingly brothers has come to town and I’m the clown with the popped balloons and the sideways halo. The angels with broken wings forget how to soar. I don’t want to be one of those. I don’t know what I want to be. I keep shedding tears like I shed my persona… daily.

  
The world still turns and I’m still alone but I’m alive so that’s gotta count for something. 

Three special people have birthdays this week. So happy birthday to them. I’ll have a drink to that later. 

Sorrow rears its head for anyone who has the time for it. I’m outta time for that. 

  
I’ll find my joy. I always do. Even fighters lose fights. I’m not beneath losing. I’m just too strong to be counted out. 
C. L Cunningham 

Flying with a broken wing is still flying as long as I keep my feet off the ground. 🌞

Wishing you all peace and blessings 

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Sprinkle some kindness 

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Monday morning your so chilly.

Woke up and handled some business and had a nice brisk walk to and from my son’s new school. 

The smile on his face said that he was excited about his class even though mommy is a little more worried. I can’t help it. Having a child with Autism I’m always on edge when he has to start a new routine call me overprotective. 

The day is fresh and my mood is elevated. A couple of things still to check off my list still need to be done. Had a business snafu this morning hopefully it will be handled by tomorrow. I’m going to keep my fingers crossed. 

  
It’s tuff to complete a task and then see that it’s not finished and it’s out of your hands.

I’m trying to be positive anyway. 

It’s good to be honest with my thoughts and feelings. I see that so many people are having a tough time feeling validated inside. It’s as if we’ve all had a situation where someone else wants to chime in on our thoughts. Seriously speaking when is enough… enough. 

If it’s post online is it fair game? 

How many opinions does it take to break someone else’s spirit. How many is enough to ruin another’s self esteem? 

I’m careful to leave my twitter fingers on my own page. I try to only leave encouraging words on others social media. It’s important to me to be a ray of sunshine instead of the straw that breaks someone else’s back. 

Even when I’m upset I focus on a resolution instead of trying to express my frustration. In person, on social media and in life. 

My ego tries to flip out like anyone else’s. I yell at the Tv. I’ll express my beliefs in the comfort of my home. My brain may have something real special to say, but I’m an adult. I’m a human who chooses to be humane when I’m dealing with the real lives of real people. It doesn’t have to be me who brings down a strangers feelings. I’ll leave that to the bully’s. 

Today I’m thankful for another day. I’m more aware of how precious my days are. My health makes me attentive. Maybe that’s a blessing in disguise. 
C. L Cunningham 

Sending you all a sprinkle of sunshine even when the sky is cloudy 🌞

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Access granted 

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Protecting the unprotected. 

Beautiful. 

Namaste.

  
I love it when someone teaches me how to protect my soul and spirit. It’s a blessing to receive a message. I stopped in on another one of my day ones today.

I went to church today y’all.  Whaaat. 

It’s been her family’s church for decades and I called myself popping in at the end and got a whole sermon. I needed one. 

Afterwards big sis talked to me and her words refreshed my spirit. That’s what people who love me do for me. Revive and renew my mind. 

Thank you for following my journey. Thank you for allowing my words to speak to you. 

As I watch these Soul train awards and enjoy a comfortable time this Sunday. I’m still in a good mood. A little wine in my cup doesn’t hurt either.

Yesterday I learned a word from a blogger here on WordPress. Gaslighting. To manipulate someone’s mind with trickery.

My advice to those suffering from the effects of this world. You are under no obligation to make your life an open book. You have the right to protect your struggles, your gifts, and your story. 

Keep your head up baby! It’s gonna be alright. Here’s a song to uplift your heart.

C. L Cunningham 

Peace and blessings ✨🦋

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Saturday night in

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In a culture to critique the norms I stand outside looking in. Today I’m happy. Dancing and singing enjoying the beat of my own drum. Little things mean a lot. 

Watching Twilight and nestled up writing this blog, the day isn’t what it seems. Too much emphasis on the reaction to an action is the bothersome business of others and ain’t nobody got time to worry about that.

  
I’m still trying to make love last and leave the past behind. I hope it lets me live for the now. 

That’s the best thing I can do. Plans for the future have twists and turns and I hate almost every bit of it. Not because of the lack of hope but because I’m ready to embrace my place on my own. I’m ready to be excited and vocal about my dreams and our destiny. Like a kid in a candy store I want to pick out this and that. Color schemes and locations are the visual art that I want to see. 

Waiting is a game and I’m up to bat. I’m calling fouls early so I can end the inning on a default. Picky picky picky. Call me impatient as usual.

Sometimes freedom of the mind starts with matters of the heart. I’m thankful that mine is still protected my by my protection.

Pushing forward for change. Funny how it happens right before your eyes for those of us who are looking. 

Live for today. Tomorrow isn’t promised. Quotes to live by. Do some yoga. Veg out if you can. Take a hot shower or relax in a quiet place. Find your center and embrace your truth. Reminders that keep me calm. 

  
I hope they’re helpful for anyone who’s reading too. ✨
C.L Cunningham 

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