Sitting leg propped and crisscrossed at the ankle. Thinking about you.

Remembering days when the thought of was my lifeline into sanity.

Seeing your smile made days worthwhile to begin with. 

Looking for a way out and a way straight into your arms meant that the best days were to come.

Asking you what your scent smells of. And telling you to eat more eggs in the morning. “It’s not enough food for yo big ass”. I laugh to myself thinking about the questions I’d ask. 

Naively believing your every word. 


Things are not what was expected.

My fault. Skeletons in the closet are having a coming out party and I wasn’t invited. Never even seen the invitation.

Immobility of stature. Concrete ways combined to stone faced responses are smothering the fire that once burned so brightly.

I’ll never be able to forget you.

I’m never over you. We haven’t officially started. 

Can we…. start?

Against all odds.

Each and everyday I look to you for hope.

Wondering if today is the day that I forget how we started.

My love wants to speak your language.

Cypher your codes and breach your defense mechanism.

I’m scared, scarred and alone. In a foreign exchange project pre designed to cause chaos.

I need my friend. My daily hero.

I miss you being you.

I’m lost. This wilderness is feeling cold without you.

Holding on. 

Watching for your heart to show up.

C.L Cunningham 


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