Dear …

I found comfort in the little things. Time has given us the unique experience of reliving the unknown repeatedly. We’ve always had the ability to rebound and restart our relationship. For every infraction for every wrong needed to be made right. Or put back on the shelf of I do and I should. 

I should want to fix my mistakes. But some of the things I did were done on purpose and with full intent to not do you harm but to make my life right for me. 

I wake up guilty for loving someone else. I love you too. But my dreams start end with the hopes of him. I’m your wife . The license says so and my years have past by with your name as my last name. And that has always count for something. But if I’m going to be honest and you want me to be honest right? I’m completely caught up in what the possibilities could be.  Our time ribbon has run out. The film ended and I didn’t bother to reload it. I decided another one was better for me. I at least wanted to be the truth you never would have said. The truth is I don’t want to let the past block the door to the future. 

We can keep doing what we’re doing. We eat,sleep, fuck, and play games like there’s no tomorrow. But tomorrow will come and one day I won’t be there. I’m sure of that. Because I’m sure that I want him. And if he’ll have me then I’ll probably be the most hopeful woman on this planet. I’ve waited as long as I could for you to be the husband I thought you could be. Now I just want to be the things meant to build a life out of. And that starts by finally being free to be honest. 

This hurts to say and to even write about.

You have given me so much and I don’t want to take from you. You once thought that you had found love and happiness and it wasn’t with me. Now I want to find mine.

C.L Cunningham 

I still want the divorce 

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