Who am I?

Even the best layed plans have flaws.

Growing up my daddy had a saying “smart dummies”. He would point out how even though we had enough sense to come up with a plan. The effect still either got us in trouble or caused us pain. Sometimes the plan would make you lose everything you worked for.

The problem with me is that I never cared about anything. I felt so out of place in the world,that nothing meant anything to me. If I wanted to do it I did it. If I didn’t.. I didn’t. 

I am not alone. There are tons of people everywhere who have nothing to lose because we never wanted nothing or never had it to begin with.

It’s not until my brain adds value to it for it to mean something to me. Money holds no value. Hell anything that can be taken away holds no value.

Can you imagine having a gun in your face knowing that the person on the other end has the audacity to play God and chose if today is your last day? All because they can. All because that day was the day they decided they meant more than you did. And they made you aware of a world where even if you’re the nicest or worst person on earth THEY were going to decide your path for you.I can. It’s happened to me multiple times.

The things that matter to me have never been tangible. I’ve seen more bad than good. So good things are almost a myth to me. Something fake…imaginary even.

All I know is what I can see or go back in my mind and take data of. The bad Always out ways the good. 

At least in my mind. 

So how do I find peace in a world I thought God would have blown up by now? 

I don’t. 

This is not a peaceful place. 

What I tend to hold on to is hope. Hope in the little elderly lady that needed help on the bus. When she got an outpouring of help from strangers she smiled and said “thank you.” And I could feel her spirit rejoice. 

Hope in the strangers who pulled two kids from a car sinking in water. They could have been indifferent. They could have placed blame on the parent or parents but instead they chose to be heroes.

For all the people out there trying to survive in a world not made for them who still are helpful and hopeful. Thank you. For all the people dedicating their lives and their sanity to bring joy to others. Thank you. For anyone anywhere that took a moment to be helpful instead of hurtful. Thank you.

For anyone who has ever felt out of place, bullied, talked about,  taken advantaged of, stripped of their rights and just generally let down by this world…Have hope. 

Hope that a better day is coming. That a better way is coming. And even if it doesn’t come for you. Be that for someone else. 

C. L Cunningham 

I may not be what people are used to but that doesn’t mean I can’t be better than they ever planned. 

Love n light to all y’all because who am I to decide if you deserve it?

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