It’s the beginning of something wonderful 

Tattered t shirt and short shorts. Hair in a wild puff and zero makeup. I’m comfortable in my skin. But uncertain of my feelings. I bare my soul so much that it has become exhausting. The tears I cry have been like prayers I haven’t had the words to speak. 
This is the last days in my comfy bed I scraped to buy. I’m throwing away so many things I don’t know if I can replace. I feel like I’m losing just to feel like I’m winning. But I’m backed into a corner and now I have to fight or take flight. So flight it is. Ten years from now I pray that I’ll look back and say “yes that was the turning point”. I want to be able to show myself that I deserve better. That I’m worth more. The sad truth is that I may not believe that fully myself. 
My identity has been wrapped up in a man for so long I forgot to be me. Or who she even could be. I’m happy that God has made me open my eyes. Forced me to be so uncomfortable that staying is no longer an option. Sometimes you stay in a place you don’t need to be to change your perception of yourself. Somewhere along the way I didn’t think I was worthy. I feel like I thought life was just meant to be tough and you should take whatever good you could get, whenever you could get it. 
I’m so happy I saw the signs this time. I’m so thankful that I’m learning to love myself again. I now cry tears of joy for my new beginning. I’m So Worth the best life has to offer. I can breathe again and I’ll wait to exhale until the time is right. 
C L Cunningham  

 

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