My truth is my blog

This is my blog and I can say what I want. My life isn’t always rainbows and rose petals. Some parts of my life are dark and scary. And I want to be real authentic even by telling you my truth. I have to because this may be all that’s left of my memory…my words. 

The next few days will be trying to say the least about it. But to expect the most of what will happen next. I smile thinking about it. 

I have watched Sleeping with the enemy and Enough in preparation. I have done a run down and practice scenarios. I have convinced myself that if he puts his hands on me that I have to do what’s in my best interests for survival. 

But even in saying that…I still love this man. And would just like for the drama to end and a new beginning to begin. I’m tired of fighting. I’m tired of hating him. I found a book about forgiveness and I would love to start forgiving. Unfortunately I can’t begin that journey yet. But soon. I get to start soon. 

Right now I’m just Moma bear protecting her cubs… if people can sing and rap about their pain I can write about mine.. without judgement.

Til next time
C L Cunningham 

The time is now 

The last few days have been trying…I had to send my stepdaughter back home to her mom. She didn’t want to go but for safety reasons it was best. I wish things would have been better. I wish her Dad would have treated her better. 

But that’s now the past and my future is looking brighter. There’s things I still need to assess. The how and where are my next steps. The when is approaching ever so quickly. 

My mind has been racing and all over the place. I still want love, need love, and yearn for it. I know that there’s no rush to love. I’m fully prepared to be alone for a while maybe try a few things while I wait. 

I’m focused on a better me so when it happens I’ll be able to do my share of a better us. Things will get better I believe it and I receive the beauty of that statement.

Til next time 

C L Cunningham 


Have you ever been in a 7hr fight? In a 7hr fight everyone in the house is included even the dog. It’s a long drawn out process. Especially when the fight is with the strongest person in the house. Everyone is on edge and whispering and tip toeing around that person. Until you have no choice but to say something to end their tyrant. As a collective group we let it be known we weren’t going to stand for it. But we all feel sorry for the one person that we basically have to gang up on. Like an intervention or something. The person is literally acting like a caged lion and we all have to be prepared for what to do next. 

It’s tiring and draining and abusive. For everyone involved. 

Nothing comes out of a 7hr fight but clarity that the time has come and it’s time to get away from each other and move on. 

C L Cunningham 

Wealth or Fame?

Did you do it for the wealth or the fame? Maybe you did it for both. To put your life on a pedestal of everyone to see. Maybe even it was to find me. But whatever it is,has it made your life amazing? I ask because I would do it for the wealth. Not for the fame. I already made a name for myself in the rim I’m in. I already did so many things I didn’t think was possible or achievable. But more than that…I’ve done things I wouldn’t want anyone to know. I’ve blocked a lot of my past away. I fear for things to come out that I know I did. Honestly I’ve done bad things. I wasn’t a nice person. 

I’ve repent of my sins. I’m working hard to make my life new. But is it okay that I really couldn’t do what you do? Because if it a chance that it could kill the romance then seriously I’d like to know wayyyy in advance. 
C L Cunningham 

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