Start again

So I’ve decided to became a born again virgin. I’ve tried to do the single girl thing and go out and party. I tried the online dating thing. And I even tried to convince myself to just go out and have sex with a random dude. Anything to get my mind off my pending divorce. I never wanted to be alone. And I didn’t want just anybody to be sexual with. I thought I had my one and done. But marriages don’t always go as planned and sometimes the sh** does hit the fan. And now I’m stuck with no one to be with and back on the market. 

Sure I fantasized about being with someone before. But the thought and the action are two different things. I mean I think about eating a whole cake with milk but the odds of me doing it are slim to none. So since I’ve spent over a decade of my life sleeping with one man. And today’s dating scene is crazy. Everybody is so willing to jump in bed with you without any spiritual or emotional regard. And I get it. I used to be like that too. It’s just that I’m not the same girl I was and believe me, I’ve tried to go back. 

But I’m different now. My heart is different and my soul is different. I don’t want to mess up this time. I’ve never had a man be faithful to me and I want one that could show me how that feels. And I don’t want to play around with my body and my self esteem while I wait for him. I want my one done and it actually be the right pick. So if it’s not my soon to be ex getting any I guess I won’t be getting any either. 
-C L Cunningham

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