Why look outside when you got a woman at home? 

So me being the douchebag that I am I give in to sex with the soon to be ex. And afterward we’re talking and it starts getting heated and I’m about to go off. When he stops and asked how did we go from happy to angry? I and pause and think to myself “right how did we just go from bomb ass sex to an argument?” So I tell him the truth. I tell him how incredibly upset I am by the things that has happened. And  how I actually went from a hoe to a housewife. And how I like to talk to dudes but just haven’t had the guts to have sex with anyone. How much I wanted this man to do what he promised in his wedding vows by being faithful. I told him I knew about the women and how I smell them on him sometimes when he’s on top of me. I told him the truth and how I dream of a day I’ll meet the next man who will do what a husband is supposed to do and be only with his wife. 

He got mad. He did. But it was alright because it made him get real honest… He looked at me and told me how I was the love of his life and how he feared that he couldn’t show me everything that he really liked and how he liked that I’m freaky but that I need to match his freakiness. And that messed me up because I’ve always thought of myself as a really freaky b**ch. 

So me being the douchebag that I am I had to go further. I needed to Dr. Phil this thing. It’s a couple of hours later and now after being flirty and sexy. I ask him. “What did you mean when you said I needed to match your freaky?” And he acted like he didn’t know. So I grabbed his beard and looked in his eyes and said “you know what you mean. Tell me what you mean.” And he casually said “you have it you just don’t use it.” And I’m like “I have it?” He’s like “yes, you have it. It’s something that’s inside of you but you just won’t use it.” And I swear to you it hit me like a brick. In that moment I knew exactly what he meant. And I KNEW I was holding on to it. Like a sneaky surprise when he could finally prove he deserved it. And it made me sad that the one thing he was looking for in me I actually was holding it back and other women were just handing it out to him. That there was something he could have literally gotten from home that I just couldn’t and wouldn’t give to him because emotionally I just wasn’t ready. That deep inside I never really trusted him with my heart and that he was desperate for the one thing I really wasn’t giving him. And what’s worst is that he’s not going to get it no time soon. Because he’s done so much dirt that now I’m even farther away from giving it to him than I was before. 

C L Cunningham

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